Category: mental heath
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My therapist gifted me this during our session today- made from a small balloon filled with sand. A nice surprise, and I love the texture x -
What are you curious about?
This is going to sound incredibly strange, but more and more I feel I was supposed to live a different life. Mental illness destroyed the person I should be, and I can never got those years back. 41 years of failure.
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I came across an old picture of mine and felt a terrible tug in my heart. Because I know when I am gone, so too is my work. I can’t deny that hurts. I would like to believe that at some carboot sale where my life is sold after being cleared out of where ever I end up, someone will say that photo or piece of art (writing never gains much attention) is nice. That someone will appreciate it. They will, in a way, remember me.
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Deals with sexual assault and suicide -
Personal -
I won’t cry for yesterday. 
Glass coasters. -
I’ve loved this man’s work since Batman Begins. I loved that he was never just another villain who was killed by the end of the first movie. Before Marvel (I’m not a fan of the MCU, to put it mildly, but credit where it’s due, they out a stop to the annoying ‘one film then done’ formula) this was incredibly unusual, and Nolan made sure Cillian’s fun cameos were never wasted. Their film friendship produced great work.
I would complain at least once a year that neither of them had the most coveted of film prizes – the Academy Award.
Finally, this year, I got my wish. Oppenheimer isn’t just another Oscar bait film either. It makes it clear that J. Robert Oppenheimer let his ego blind him to the obvious truth – the US government had no intention of using the bomb as a last resort. And when understandable anger and horror rained down on America from the rest of the world, they predictably made Oppenheimer a scapegoat and ruined his reputation.
The film is an amazing condemnation of the US government’s predictable misuse of inventions and blaming the inventor for their fuck ups.
But while Oppenheimer may well be a victim in his own right, the film rightly refuses to exonerate him. As Emily Blunt’s Kitty harshly puts it “you don’t get to commit the sin, then cry that you are a victim too and expect us all to feel sorry for you.” After all, thousands of Japanese died in one of the most horrific ways imaginable. I do noy believe he intended that, but I do believe he allowed his ego to blind him to the obvious.
It’s a powerful work of art that is not afraid to ask difficult questions. And those are my favourite movies.
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Apologies to anyone I’ve been rude to today. I try to keep family drama away from the Internet at their request (they, though, despite being told to by my mental team, refuse to keep my interaction with my father to a minimum) but weeks of having my asshole father here has been truly awful. All the signs of stress and severe anxiety are back – talking and whimpering in my sleep, shaking, dissociation, mild acts of self-harm like banging my head against the wall, etc.
I’ve tried to deal with it by taking up my old hobbies, which is the one good thing to come out of this. But it is still hard.
Thank you for reading.
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From instagram/mydarkrosegarden -
Once upon a time, I was one of those kids.
Bloody Roses 